I’m going to go on record now: I think this may be my favorite Spaderotica out of the bunch (also, my phone now recognizes “Spaderotica” as a word, which is good, because my plan is to get it to be a country-wide phenomenon, much like my pal Jim Branscome with January Giallo).

Anyhoozle. Why is White Palace so good? Well, first of all, it’s the best James Spader ever looked in anything, ever.

Second of all, it’s a genuinely beautiful little love story. I first saw White Palace at the Los Feliz 3, presented by my pal Kate Hagen, back in 2024 and I was so moved by it I sobbed quietly in my seat. In it, Max (Jimmy boy) is a 27 year old ad exec who is rich as fuck but very sad-eyed because his pretty wife, Janey, died in a car wreck a few years ago. She’s a specter haunting this film and his life. Every gal wants to date him but he just can’t bring himself to do it. I guess he’s never seen Sid Vicious’s shirt.

Max is Going Through the Motions™️ all the time, but he’s still happy to show up for his bestie, Jason Alexander when he had hair (Neil). It’s at Neil’s bachelor party (where everyone is in a tux and you realize they’re in a far different tax bracket than you) that Max realizes they’ve been shorted six burgers in their White Palace order. Irate, he goes back to the place and gets into it with Nora (Susan Sarandon, who is A Hot™️) over the missing burgers. He then goes back to the party and is assaulted by pictures of his dead wife. Look, I’ve been to bachelor parties, because sometimes, for all intents and purposes, I am One of the Guys™️, and none of them involved slideshows of dead spouses. The last one I went to, we went bowling. The father of the groom also asked me if I was the entertainment for the night. At that wedding he asked me how many of my friends there I had fucked. I don’t talk to any of these people anymore.

Max is not ready to go home and face his Dead Wife Brownstone (which he later says he rents for far lower than my rent) so he goes to a bar where, you guessed it, Nora is boozing it up. They get to talking (albeit reluctantly) and I’ll say this: this is the best “I’m drunk” acting I’ve ever seen. Spader may have actually been drunk. It’s just very good.

This is where we learn Nora’s son is dead, too. Death is something you can bond over regardless of your economic status. He drunkenly drives her home (bad) and her place looks about as messy as mine. Hers might be cleaner actually. My house is pretty messy, but it’s because I have a bad back that no one wants to fix. (At one point he gifts her a dust buster and she gets real mad. I need a new vacuum so if any hot widows want to buy me one I will let them.) Anyway, he sleeps on the couch and then, let’s be real, she sort of sexually assaults him (not great!). I guess it was a different time.

The thing is, he becomes absolutely obsessed with her, regardless of the fact that she’s 43 and he’s a little lost lamb. They act like 43 is 67 in this movie. She’s a year younger than me! He starts blowing off work and stuff because he’s so busy banging her brains out all the time. I love when two hot people find each other. It’s so lovely.

But he also hides her from everyone else he loves. Nora is poor and ill-mannered and sloppy (and, in the book, wildly bigoted) and Max doesn’t want his family and friends to judge him or her over it. When he does try to integrate her into their world she doesn’t fit in very well at all. (One of my favorite moments is when he’s introducing her to his own, overbearing Jewish mother, and he says “You’re going to be nice to her or I’ll beat the shit out of you.” Incredible.)

Guess what, Nora’s not big on being hidden away and she’s not big on his insecurity about her and then it’s a will-they-won’t-they but it has a happy ending where he sort of gets over himself and she sort of grows a spine and I dunno. I just really love this movie: two people falling in love who, on paper, shouldn’t work at all. It’s so sweet, it really is. You should watch it! Kathy Bates is his boss!!! Eileen Brennan is Nora’s psychic sister!!!! Jason Alexander!!

It’s not on Tubi, but you can buy this cool Blu Ray that looks like a VHS, I know you crazy kids are all into that (I am).