When I was in high school I was heavily influenced by the effortlessly cool stylings of my aforementioned boyfriend Brian’s friend Lauren, who was beautiful beyond measure, also collected Pez dispensers, and loved shit from the 80s. She’s why I have such an elaborate collection of New Wave Hits of the 80s cds and know who Klaus Nomi is, and she’s why I love Pump Up the Volume so much. I haven’t seen her in 24 years but I hope she’s doing well, whatever she’s up to! (We’ve established that Brian is not doing well. He’s dead.)

Anyway, I do have a fondness for 80s movies, as most people my age do because we live in hell and want to remember when we weren’t aware that we lived in hell. In driver’s ed the big treat at the end was we all got to watch License to Drive, which is kind of crazy when you think about it. But I do not have a fondness for Pretty in Pink. It’s trash! Not even Harry Dean Stanton can save this drivel. Oh no, you’re pretty but don’t care. Oh no, all the boys like you. Oh no. You ruined a perfectly good dress. Shut up!!!

I have never liked this movie, which is the THIRD Andrew McCarthy movie I’ve watched this month. Were we this hard up for hot white men in the 1980s? I sincerely doubt it. Why am I being forced to watch this man for a third time? And through the whole thing I can’t figure out if Spader would rather fuck him or Molly Ringwald. Whatever!! Fuck this movie!!!!!! I’d rather be watching The Stand!!!!!!

Here’s some pictures of James Spader in Pretty in Pink:

Ok that’s all. I’m not even going to bother looking to see if this is on Tubi. I don’t care and you shouldn’t either!

PS “Pretty in Pink” isn’t even the best Psychedelic Furs song. This is.