When I mentioned to my mother that Spader September was happening in my house, her first question was if The Watcher was on the list. As it turns out, not only is it on the list, but it kicks off a short stint of films where Spader seems to have a strange, homoerotic relationship with his male costar’s character.

I tried not to read too much about The Watcher so I could go in as blind as possible. I knew it was about a serial killer taunting a former cop who worked on his case, but that’s about it. Imagine my surprise when I found out Keanu Reeves was the serial killer!!!! Every time I see Keanu Reeves all I can think about is this one commercial for A Walk in the Clouds that played incessantly when I was in college where he says “She’s like the air to me.” It haunts me! It’s a bad line read in my opinion! Anyway he looks a bit puffy in this movie, like maybe he has some allergies or something. Get that man a Gua Sha stone.

In this movie Spader plays a former cop named Joel Campbell who is haunted by how badly he fucked up a serial killer case in LA, so he moves to Chicago to sit in his empty apartment all day and shoot his groin up with migraine meds. There’s a scene where, during a debilitating migraine, he has to put the to parts of a needle together and then get his lil vial of medicine and his groin is all bruised up. I like seeing his bruised up groin but not like this. Get your life together, Joel.

And then guess what!!!! His neighbor is killed by that very same serial killer, who has followed him to Chicago because he is in love with him! And he’s sending him pictures of the girls he’s stalking to kill and for some reason the cops can’t find these women even when putting their pics on the news. This is 2000 so the news was very much still a thing. He keeps calling Joel and saying stuff like “you were so close I could smell you” or something like that. Oh brother. Get a room!

I have absolutely no recollection of this movie, which ends with a giant cgi explosion. When they filmed Blown Away in my beloved Boston, the boat explosion blew out 8,000 windows in East Boston. I’m trying to remember now if people call East Boston Eastie like they do with Southie, or if I just call it that to be funny. Anyway, grow up and blow up a building in real life for your movie. We’re all adults here.

Not on Tubi. Keanu Reeves was forced into making this movie (thanks for the h/t Jared!). Note the date on that article.